We never change, do we?

I spent way too many hours on myspace tonight looking at the profiles of dozens of people I knew from high school and from the past 10 years. Over and over I was struck by how much no one has changed... and I emphasize that very strongly. It's really weird. Apparently I'm the only person I know who has changed significantly since I was 15, and I am extremely glad for it. I am SO glad I am not the same person I was at 15, 18, even at 21.

I am more comfortable with who I am now than I ever have been. By that I mean I am far more mature and a much less awkward person now than ever before. My interests have drastically changed, my personality has mellowed out significantly, and now I actually care about other people instead of only giving lip service to caring (even though I still have a long way to go in that arena). I have gone through phases of fake caring and contrived passion even recently, which I am still mildly embarassed for. I'm sure I do things on a regular basis now that I will be embarassed for even in a year... and I'm glad for that. I'm glad for maturity.

It seems like so many people I know reject the idea of "maturity" as some lame social convention. I did. When I was 15 I wrote these lyrics and belted them out in front of literally tens of people:

(Verse)
My dad says dress nice don't tie your shoes
Cover that hickey and wash your hair
But I'm having fun anyway
And I don't give a f---ing care

(Chorus)
But I don't care
And it's alright with me
Cause I enjoy myself
F--- what's right socially

(You can see how cool I was by inserting expletives to add emphasis to my point).

I think at the time I was reacting against something real that was and is messed up in society and in my personal life, I was just doing it in an extremely childish way. Thank God that blogs and myspace didn't exist back then, because my immature teenage musings would be forever saved in some archive on the internet. I am glad for how far I've come, and I don't ever want to go back to where I was.

The lyrics I posted above were from a song I wrote called "content" (content as in contentment... not as in the contents of my purse). The challenge for my life now is to not become content with myself at any point. I should always be content with what I have or posess, but never with who I am. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally and spiritually. I know I am not "basically good", as so many postmoderns would have me believe. I have seen into the depths of my own heart, and what is there is not "basically good".

Now I've gone into totally different territory, when my main point was about change. I'm glad I've changed. Change is a good thing. I'm amazed that so many other people I know have not changed at all, even in 10 years. Read Who Moved My Cheese? It's good stuff.

Name that philosopher

Terrible picture of me... but brilliant man. Let's play name that philosopher!


This blog is not dead, it just hasn't really gotten started yet.

My place in Pope John Paul II's heart

I'm not big into politics (I fall close to Centrist), but his test is pretty interesting... on the picture of famous people and their political beliefs I landed right on Pope John Paul II's cross, very close to the mark on Gorbachev's head... according to the test, the four famous people closest to my political beliefs are, in this order: 1) Pope John Paul II 2) Mikhail Gorbachev 3) Darth Vader, and 4) John Kerry.

Should I be concerned that I fall closer on the political spectrum to Darth Vader than to John Kerry? I'm buying my storm trooper suit and enlisting in the Imperial army tomorrow!

Link: The Politics Test

You are a Social Conservative (36% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (30% permissive) You are best described as a: Totalitarian

The best of intentions

Sorry about my lack of blogging. I truly do suck at this whole blogging thing. I have very good, intentions, though... and many ideas for topics. More to come...

As You Wish

Here's another of my favorite things.

Why are we here?

On this past Thanksgiving 2005, my husband and I had to go to not one... not two... but three Thanksgiving family get-togethers, all in the same day. The first of these (bright and early in the morning) included his mom, his two sisters, a brother in law, a soon-to-be brother in law, and a baby nephew. We didn't find out until we had already got to the gathering that one of the sisters had invited one of her friends and her three kids, two boys and a girl, all between the ages of 4 and 9. That was fine because we had a ridiculous amount of food, and she apparently had no one to spend Thanksgiving with. But with us not used to being around kids, it made for some interesting conversation.

After spending about 30 minutes wrestling on the floor with the two boys (read: being viciously attacked, smacked, tackled, and hit by the two boys), Jared decided that enough was enough and sat down on the couch with me and the girl, age 9. The conversation between him, her, and I turned to her interests, what subjects she liked in school, and what kind of books she liked to read. Eventually she asked him, "What kind of stuff are you interested in?"

Jared told her, "Oh, I guess mostly philosophy and theology and stuff like that."

Her, "What's philosophy?"

Jared turned to me and asked in a low voice with a nervous laugh, "How do you tell a kid what philosophy is?" He answered her, "I guess it's about asking the important questions like 'Why are we here?'"

She looked genuinely puzzled. She kind of gave Jared a "you're an idiot" look and then explained to him, "Well, we're here because it's Thanksgiving." The inflection in her voice just about punctuated the sentence with, "duh!"

I am just like her.

So why are we here? I'm here right now because I can't sleep tonight and my mind is racing with a billion thoughts and stupid nervousness. I'm here because between my husband's and my 8-5 jobs we can afford a modest little house in Norman. I'm here because I was born into a family in a part of the world where I have the leisure time and the money to plink away pointlessly on a computer, or go back to my Stephen King guilty pleasure instead if I so choose.

There are so many brilliant people who tackle the real "Why are we here?" questions, I feel small and insignificant compared to them. I feel like all I can offer is simple, childlike, non-complex answers, and I feel guilty for not even caring to go deeper most of the time. Occasionally I will have an intellectual reawakening... and now is not one of those times. I feel as unintellectual now as I have ever felt, even with that piece of paper called a college degree in my posession. Right now I feel like "Why are we here?" really can be answered with a practical, easy answer. It's the Dubya in me.

Now here's another one of my favorite things:

(I am a very simple girl)

Happy blogging

Here it is, post #1. You can look forward to more of my musings about life and love and why. There is no particular purpose to this blog, I will probably use it only to jot down unintelligible ramblings. Hopefully I can say something worthwhile occasionally.

Now here is one of my favorite things: